my blog is revived finally. last post was around march 2008 and it's 29th of may today . ! time flies in a blink of eyes.no joke.. i haven't even started seeing derick at that time. and i already faced another breakup after him.

hah.

there have been al lot of gossipings going on. somehow i think i know , for no reason. cousins been talking about me, friends . etc . i don't know what's with the attention paid on me but being busybody is THE human trait anyway.

so i'm the one who dumps someone to be with another better guy .. and i deserve all that i 'm going through .? say whatever you want.. i don't even care.. i know who i am and i'm never a person who cares about what others think of me. if they would think i'm like that, they don't even know me.

hence i don't need friends like them. that's because they judge.they judge everything. i'm very disappointed actually..because for what i had gone through, i don't think i deserve to be treated this way.. at least not the close ones. i lost hope . there's nothing to cherish ,fine.

i settled down for kent. i quit my bad habits, i stayed at home almost everyday just to stay in touch with him via skype, even if i'm out, i dared not even stay longer because i knew he'll be waiting for me. i thought of him whenever i go, whatever i was doing, without fail. i just want to be a good person and i know he'll be thrilled to have me who's even better than the one he met initially.

he really did persuade me that he was gonna be with me forever. he made me believe that he was so deeply in love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. a lot of promises he made. empty promises.

i only knew when things were over. when sean talked to me. he has never thought of the consequences of things he said. period.

sometimes i think i should be blamed for being too careless in r'ships. or naive, stupid whatever u say. 

i always knews that girls should be independent and be able to support themselves, financially, physically and mentally. WITHOUT relying on men. i've been telling myself too. but then when he showed up. i became soft. i thought there was someone who could support me, mentally. i'm a girl, after all. i'm not as strong as ppl thought. i'm weak at certain times. i can't help it.. and kent, he was there.. we shared everything. we were so close.

we knew that we've found each other. we were too compatible.

and there 9 days before our reunion. we broke up. and it upsets me even more when i know that peope are not concerned about me.but everything besides me.i'm not an attention seeker. but my heart was broken. crushed. i've done my very best to make this r'ship works. it's just 9 more days . i swore i'll give him the best of me. nothing was appreciated. devastated and lost.

i'll only blame myself and not move on when i omitted in a failed r'ship.

i didn't.

i became a better person. i wanted him to have a good gf.

so. no regrets.

i trusted him . because i gave him all my love.  again i was wrong. i should never give all my trust to a man. but then again. it was all out of love

i told everyone that when one's heart is not in it , there's no point to hagn on to the r'ship. so, move on without feeling sad.

i cried uncontrollably, i was depressed. but surprisingly i got over 2 days after the breakup.  fastest recovery ever ! unbelievable. especially the one whom i really thought of settling down with.

any how i moved on. i've been hitting the gym and living a healthy lifestlyle. i feel fresh everyday,

it feels so good.

at the end of the day, i know that i've become a better person after every breakup.

i've never felt better.